HONEYMOON DISASTERS – AND HOW TO AVOID THEM
Bestselling author Janey Fraser explains what not to do on honeymoon- as she discovered when she researched her latest holiday read, After The Honeymoon.
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Your honeymoon should be a time to relax after the fever of all those wedding preparations. It’s a well-earned rest and an opportunity to get to know each other as man and wife – even if you’ve been living together for years. But instead, it all too often turns into a nightmare…
Frankly, it’s not really surprising. Most couples feel pretty stressed after a wedding, as I discovered when doing my research for my new novel AFTER THE HONEYMOON. ‘I was exhausted, ‘ confessed one bride after returning from Portugal for a week. ‘So we both slept for a week.
In fact, we only had sex once even though we stayed in a really romantic hotel with its own patio and private access to the beach!’
Still, it’s not all bad news. All it takes is a bit of honeymoon management. Here are five top tips on how to avoid a honeymoon disaster – no matter where you are!
There’s nothing like an ‘urgent’ email to set the pulses racing in the wrong kind of way. ‘I couldn’t resist checking my phone to make sure that the girl I job-share with was managing without me,’ confessed Lisa from South London who went to Barcelona for a three-day honeymoon. ‘Meanwhile, my new husband was glued to his Blackberry.
Work doesn’t stop when you’re on honeymoon. At least, that’s what we thought at the time. Now, looking back, I wish we’d turned everything off or gone somewhere without any reception, so we wouldn’t be tempted.’
Visit Cornwall. Stunning scenery – including several beauty spots without Wi Fi or mobile reception. Just what you need for a real get-away.
Bad luck. There goes any intimacy until your system is back to normal. It’s also a bit of a dampener if you’re hoping to see the sights outside the bedroom.
Unfortunately, this is also a test of the other person’s nursing skills and commitment. ‘To be honest, I felt my new husband was making a bit of a fuss when he started being sick,’admitted one of the brides whom I interviewed for my novel. ‘I knew he didn’t like the sun and had only agreed to go to Spain to keep me happy.
So I thought he was using his sickness as an excuse to stay in bed. But when the pain got worse, the hotel manager called out the local doctor. The Spanish tummy turned out to be appendicitis.
If we’d left it any later, he could have been seriously ill. I felt really guilty after that…My new husband wasn’t too impressed by my initial lack of compassion, either.’
Choose a honeymoon destination with medical help at hand. During a recent trip to Menorca. I was really impressed by advice from the local pharmacist.
"Maybe you need to think twice about why you’re getting married in the first place..."
You’re having so much fun at the reception, that you forget the time – and miss the train. Trust me. You’ll be talking about this one in years to come – providing you’re still married.
‘We left half an hour late because we spent ages saying goodbye to our friends,’ said Sam, a 35 year old teacher who got married last year. ‘Then my best man, who was meant to be driving us to the station, realised he was out of petrol.
We missed the overnight train, which was supposed to be a romantic treat- and there wasn’t another one till the next morning. We had to stay in a really cheap hotel instead, and take the morning train with a load of commuters.”
Buy a new watch along with the wedding ring. Book a cab, instead of relying on the best man. Also cry on the emergency hotel manager’s shoulder- he may arrange an upgrade.
Let’s get this right. You really want to take your best mates with you on honeymoon. What’s that you’re saying? It means there’ll be someone else to talk to if you get bored? Maybe you need to think twice about why you’re getting married in the first place.
A variation on this disaster is the current trend for taking children on honeymoon with you. In a teenage world, parents don’t have sex. Especially if one of them isn’t their real parent. So forget ‘afternoon rests’ or arriving too late for breakfast. You have been warned.
Pick a Couples Only resort. There are bound to be other bored newly-weds who will jump at the chance of sharing a dinner table. Just be careful about sharing anything else.
"The B & B owner had to get a locksmith out to let us out..."
This happened to me during my first honeymoon. Honestly. My then- husband and I were staying at a bed and breakfast in Harrow, before catching a flight the next day. But when we tried to open the door the next morning, it was stuck.
We both stuck our heads out of the window and yelled for help. The B & B owner had to get a locksmith out to let us out. And we didn’t even get a reduction on the bill.
Pack a picklock along with a paperback and suntan lotion.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON BY JANEY FRASER
Published by Arrow, Random House. £6.99.
One honeymoon destination. Three couples. Enough secrets to end a marriage before it begins….
Send your honeymoon story to Janey Fraser and win a bundle of books. firstname.lastname@example.org
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